Because of being abused to such an extent, I have problems making decisions (see the blog titled “Executive Function Disorder” https://ezekielheartoffleshministries.org/2021/12/26/executive-function-disorder/). If I thought I had an opinion about something I was very easily swayed in changing my opinion. That included things God told me. He tells us in His Word: John 10:1-5: 1 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold*, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. 2. But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. 3. To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. 4. And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. 5. And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers.
His own do hear His voice. God has pursued me for many years, slowing teaching me to be able to come to Him and to hear His voice and trust Him. I do hear from Him, but it is a struggle. I do know His voice. But I have also had people tell me my opinion for many years of my life. My parents told me what to say, do, think and how to act. I was not taught how to make decisions on my own, let alone learn how I should act. When I did make decisions, they told me I was wrong. People “invalidated” my opinions and decisions. Dictionary.com says invalidated means to: “weaken, impair; disprove, refute, rebut.” When my parents hurt me they told me by their actions that I was wrong for feeling hurt. So God is having to teach me how to trust that what He tells me is true.
As an adult, finally on my own, God has been teaching me to make my own decisions and opinions, which I don’t like doing because I always feel I am wrong. And I don’t like making mistakes or failing. But that’s life, isn’t it? We learn more from our failures than our successes.
An example is when God had told me to leave one church and to go to another church. He had a job for me to do at the other church. I know I heard from God and that is what He told me. However, the Pastor at the church I left felt I should have stayed at his church and let him mentor me before leaving. This Pastor also hears from God. Immediately I felt that I must be wrong and that he was right. I became absolutely miserable. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. God has given me a prayer partner who also hears from God and she got involved and by this time everybody was in the mess, including Satan. He hit me with an attack, making me feel I was losing touch with reality and was literally losing my mind. Satan knows where to hit below the belt. Because of the abuse and my mind shutting down to protect itself against the abuse and my ex-husband playing mind games with me, I have struggled with a fine line between sanity and insanity. Satan’s attacks are played out between your ears.
Finally, I just had to shut up the commotion in my own mind and get quiet before God. When I did, He reaffirmed that I did hear from him and that I was to be go to this other church. I have had to learn to hear from God and to know His voice from others. I’m still learning, but also learn how to apply His Word and to trust Him.
Satan is allowed access into our lives when we are out of God’s Word and His will. It is hard to learn the distinction between God’s voice, ours, the worlds and Satan’s. One way to discern is simply by following God’s Word. Asking God to confirm it is another way. He can confirm what He is saying either in His Word, through others, through circumstances and even through us if we will get quiet before Him and just listen for that still small voice.
