Jealousy, possessiveness, control and hate are a part of the life of “a woman like me”. A woman who seems to have no morals and doesn’t care about the path of destruction in the lives of others she is leaving in her wake. What is “a woman like me”? What does that mean? How does she become like that? How many women are like this? Is there hope for us?
My mom was “a woman like me”. And me too before God healed me and changed me. Because of the abuse in my mom’s life and in mine, we became “a woman like me”. That is someone who has never known love. She has no self-esteem and doesn’t feel she has any value. The heart of “a woman like me” becomes like a stone. Walls are built up, high and thick. They want so desperately to be loved, but those walls not only keep others out, they also keep her from giving love.
Desperately wanting to be loved, “a woman like me” will do anything to get a man’s attention. In my own life, because of being molested during childhood, I was taught that sex was love. It’s not!!! A woman like me may think that sex, for a brief moment brings us some sort of love and acceptance. It doesn’t!!! After being used, we find ourselves alone again.
When “a woman like me” wants to be loved she will sell herself short. She believes that if she gives in to a guy, that will make him love her. It doesn’t!!! She will get in relationships that will destroy every last vestige of self-esteem. She will allow things to happen to her, just to be loved. it’s the only way we know how to “love”. We are afraid guys will leave us, like all the others and that is why jealousy creeps in. We try to hold onto him so he won’t leave but he is not ours to hold onto, and it causes so much pain and hurt in our lives, that hate becomes a stronghold.
Hate because “the other woman” always seems to get the guy. “A woman like me” always seems to lose. We don’t understand that by our very actions, we are stuck in this vicious cycle. “A woman like me” won’t care if a man is married or has a girlfriend, as long as he pays attention to her. She will go to any lengths, any extremes to find “love”, even to destroy another woman’s relationship or marriage and family. We are starved for love and when someone starts showing us any kind of attention, we lose any dignity and respect of ourselves in order to get that attention, no matter the cost or the consequences.
Society has taught us we must give in to a man in order to keep him. And we’ve bought into it. Sex outside of marriage is a sin in the eyes of a holy God. Adultery is a sin in the eyes of God. But this woman, so desperate to feel she has value, has sold herself to the devil. She may not think of it like that, but in God’s eyes, that is truth.
Jealousy, possessiveness , control and hate come in when the man doesn’t really love the woman but is only using her. Jealousy happens when we want something that doesn’t belong to us. Synonyms of jealousy are: envy · enviousness · covetousness · desire · resentment · resentfulness · bitterness · discontent · spite · grudge · suspicion · suspiciousness · distrust · mistrust · doubt · insecurity · anxiety · apprehension about rivals · possessiveness · overprotectiveness.
King James Version Dictionary defines jealous: 1. Suspicious; apprehensive of rivalship; uneasy through fear that another has withdrawn or may withdraw from one the affections of a person he loves, or enjoy some good which he desires to obtain; followed by of, and applied both to the object of love and to the rival.
In the Bible there are 143 Scriptures about jealousy. Proverbs 14:30 “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones”. James 3:16 “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work”.
This one says jealousy is cruel as death. Song of Solomon 8;6 “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.”
Jealousy destroys. We want to be loved, but we are so broken. A woman who has been abused has a huge trust issue. No matter how faithful a man in her life would be, she would struggle with doubt and unbelief, unable to believe he would remain faithful to her. It also makes it hard to trust God. In order for us to become the woman God has for us, we have to trust Him. When we allow Jesus to start changing us, we learn we do not have to act the way we do.
Facing who we are is not always pleasant. God will teach us a better way and make us into the woman He wants us to be. It is very unpleasant and humiliating when He starts making us face what we are, but like a snake bite we have to allow God to draw the venom out before we can start healing from the past, from the abuse, from who we have become.
In John 4:3-42, Jesus meets with such a woman at the well of Samaria. Her life was transformed because of it and also affected the lives of many others who gave their hearts to Jesus. He took my heart of stone. He taught me according to His holy Word. I didn’t want to be “a woman like me”, broken, hurt, abused, laughed at, made fun of, used. But God is saying it’s ok. He has taken all that I’ve been through, transformed me, and is using it to help other “women like me”. I think I’m okay with that. It feels good to take what the enemy meant for evil, and see God turn it around for good.
This has been one of the hardest articles I’ve written. God has made me start being real as I’ve written many of these articles, but this one has made me face a truth that was the hardest part of my healing. Some things are easier to face about ourselves, but no matter what, I’m extremely grateful that I am no longer “a woman like me”.
“A Woman Like Me “
