2 Samuel 13 tells of the story of Tamar. She was a princess, the daughter of King David. The Bible tells us she was fair to look at. Verses 1 and 2 tell us: 1 And it came to pass after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar; and Amnon the son of David loved her. 2 And Amnon was so vexed, that he fell sick for his sister Tamar; for she was a virgin; and Amnon thought it hard for him to do any thing to her.
It gives you an idea of where his mind and thinking is going. If he loved her, why would he be thinking about what he could do to her? As you continue reading the story, you find King David’s nephew, Jonadab, who is described in verse 3 as a very subtil man. Strong’s Concordance defines the original Hebrew word as; shrewd, crafty, cunning, wily. Verse 3 also describes him as a friend with Amnon. As we learn in this story, Amnon was very much like his friend Jonadab.
Verse 1 said that Amnon loved Tamar. But as the story continues, we find he only had a bad case of lust. Isn’t that just like the devil to try to twist God’s pure love into something dirty! By today’s standards, most people would find nothing wrong with this. Satan has so perverted the love of God, making us believe it is okay to wholeheartedly commit sin against God.
1 Corinthians 6: 13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body. 14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power. 15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid*. 16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one* flesh. 17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
Fornication in the Old Testament was looked upon differently than today. It is still a sin to God. But the reason for this story is about the ending of the story of Tamar. As the story continues it tells us Amnon not only raped her, but then “threw her out”. 14 Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.15 Then Amnon hated her exceedingly*; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her. And Amnon said unto her, Arise, be gone.16 And she said unto him, There is no cause: this evil in sending me away is greater than the other that thou didst unto me. But he would not hearken unto her.17 Then he called his servant that ministered unto him, and said, Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her.
I realize society today looks upon “sexual freedom” as their choice and is so widely accepted that people don’t think of the consequences. I’m not just talking about how that sin separates us from God, but I’m talking about how being raped and used, brings shame and humiliation to the victim. Being used by others to do things against our will, causes so much baggage that it can and has destroyed lives.
As the story of Tamar continues it tells us: 18 And she had a garment of divers colours upon her: for with such robes were the king’s daughters that were virgins apparelled. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her. 19 And Tamar put ashes on her head, and rent her garment of divers colours that was on her, and laid her hand on her head, and went on crying. 20 And Absalom her brother said unto her, Hath Amnon thy brother been with thee? but hold now thy peace, my sister: he is thy brother; regard* not this thing. So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.
She was the daughter of a king. Just as we are today. Not an earthly king, but King Jesus. The degradation of being devalued by the selfish desires of somebody else, can devastate us. If sex is such a wonderful thing, then why do women who have been trafficked for sex end up struggling with such mental issues? Why do young girls who have been molested end up with a host of mental issues? I know from personal experience. My life was literally destroyed because of being molested and raped and used. And then thrown away.
It causes shame, guilt, humiliation, inability to trust, low self-esteem and the list goes on and on. I couldn’t even trust God because if I couldn’t trust the ones I could see, then how was I going to trust someone I couldn’t see. The devil used sex, his perverted version of love, to cause my mind to shut down and to become a victim. I had to go through years of healing and in the process learning how to trust God. I fought him because I figured He was going to hurt me too. It took me a long time to be able to truly allow God into every area of my life and to believe that He loves me.
Unless you have gone through this, it is difficult to understand how being used for other people’s pleasure, affects the one being used. It is devastating. Women who have been raped, struggle to trust, to go on with their lives as if nothing happened. It causes trauma in the lives of those who have endured.
In the story of Tamar, the last verse is heartbreaking. It says, “So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.” Desolate; ruined, barren. The story tells us that King David was furious. But he did nothing. Her brother Absalom ended up murdering Amnon, but that did nothing to restore Tamar, to give her life back to her.
There are many in this world who are struggling this day as a result of being used as if they have no value. Instead of being treated as a daughter of a King, they are treated as if they are nothing but garbage. For those who have been victimized, I want to tell you that God can change your life. I know. For the 1st time in my life, I don’t have to hang my head in shame. I know that God does love me, just like He does you. Because of what God took me through, I can tell you that our value is found in Him. I can reach out and take His hand and let Him do whatever He needs to do to finish in me what He needs to do.
Please, give Him a chance. If you need someone to talk to, you can start by sending me an email (barbara@ehfm.org) and we can connect from there. I know it is hard to believe that your life will ever be worth living, but it can. It is hard to put into words what God has done in me and to me. I am no longer a victim. He has taken away the shame I carried and the hate and bitterness. The hate in my heart was so strong that it carried over into every area of my life. But not anymore. Jesus tore down the walls I had put up.
The reason for this ministry is because He has taken my heart of stone and given me His heart to love others who have been enslaved and trapped in darkness. The enemy would like nothing more than for you to stay in bondage, but he is a liar and the power he has used to try to destroy you, can be broken by the power of Jesus, whose power is far above that of the enemy. You don’t have to remain desolate the rest of your life. We have a Savior that died to give us life. Take that chance. Step out of fear and darkness and come to know a love so great that as He wraps His arms around us it will turn our lives around. He gives us back our value, and the ability to be loved and to give love to others who need it just like we do.
Desolate like Tamar
