True Repentance

If you love God and believe with all your heart that you are right with him, but aren’t seeing any change in your life, then maybe you have not truly repented of your sins. I thought I had. But nothing was really changing in my life. I wasn’t having victory like I wanted to see. I wasn’t getting the breakthrough I needed. One thing that truly hindered me was my feelings and emotions.

You might wonder what that has to do with true repentance. I was telling God I was sorry, but there was no “feeling” behind it. Yes, we must turn away from the sin we are repenting of, but we also have to mean it with our hearts. God wants exuberant worship. He wants our whole heart!

Because my parents abused me, they did not allow me to show emotion and they basically told me how to feel. They did not allow me to tell them they were hurting me. My feelings and emotions got boxed up and stuffed deep down inside me. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes those emotions came out in an explosion of anger and rage. Of course, my parents punished me for it, but God gave us those feelings. He never meant for them to be bottled up inside us.

The abuse kept me from expressing my true feelings and that makes the devil happy. You see, God wants us to be vocal with him. A relationship is based on communication. You have to be able to speak in words or actions, but if those feelings and emotions are boxed up, how do you tell someone you love them? You can’t. And you can’t show true repentance to God if you don’t tell Him and show Him. Satan wants us to stay sullen, angry, hurting and as far from God as possible.

God had told me to journal many years ago. I just thought it was to record things that happened, like recording the events of the abuse. That isn’t quite what He had in mind. He made me start recording how I was feeling whether anger, frustration, hate, bitterness, jealousy or whatever. Eventually He had me start thinking about and journaling what was making me feel those emotions. Over time, God started showing me how to work through those feelings and emotions. First it was to say what I was feeling. Then why I was feeling that way and eventually how I could heal and move on, instead of holding onto to those feelings.

It took me a while to figure out what Jesus was doing, but that was how He helped me unbox those feelings. Then Jesus wanted me to start showing emotions. That was hard. He promised to guard those precious feelings and emotions from being trampled on by the world, at least until He got me to the point where I didn’t need that so much. I still need him when I get hurt, but I’m growing up in Him now.

I’m still working on the showing emotion’s part, but to truly repent, God demanded a difference in me. He wanted me to feel it and know it by there being a difference in my heart. I can tell him I’m sorry but if there is no difference in my feelings and emotions then am I really sorry. Besides, now that I have truly repented, I want to give Him that exuberant worship that He desires. You can’t do that without emotion. That one thing has changed so much in my relationship with Jesus.

He is still slowly coaxing me to unbox those feelings, and I watch in amazement as it causes me to serve Him with a passion that is not possible otherwise. Feelings and emotions must come with true repentance. True repentance must come with feelings and emotions. They go together.

Since truly repenting, I’m seeing the change in my life that I’d always wanted. I’ve been able to break through the barriers put up by the devil. When we get right with God, He shows us the lies the enemy has made us believe or even tries to make us believe. I walk in victory now and in confidence knowing that God loves me, and He knows what I need to keep walking rightly with Him. Don’t let the devil win.

Even when it doesn’t feel good, always allow God to work in you and show you the way. If you can scream and shout at sporting events, then learn to shout for joy when God gives you victory. Scream in the devil’s ear that you refuse to believe his lies and will no longer walk in his ways. Let God have His way in you. Truly repent and watch as God turns your life around.

God has truly changed me. He has given me confidence to know that He loves me and wants me to walk in victory. He wants the same for you too.