- Break the connection of or between: detach, disengage, unhook, undo, unfasten, separate, cut off, divorce, sever, isolate, divide, dissociate, remove
- Or take (an electrical device) out of action by detaching it from a power supply: deactivate, shut off, turn off, switch off, unplug, de-energize, cut off, stop.
Abuse or trauma that happens in our life causes a “disconnect”. We pull back or pull away from people. When abuse happens in childhood, at least it did in my life, we isolate ourselves, trying to withdrawal mentally and emotionally from the abuse and from those who have hurt us. It can cause us to look at everybody suspiciously, believing that the whole world is out to hurt us when that is not true. Think about it, a lot of people are looking at their own hurts and needs and wants. They don’t have any room in their world, any thoughts in their mind of somebody they may not even know.
In my case, that isolation lasted for a long, long time, years in fact. It caused a disconnect between my siblings and myself even as we grew older. It caused a disconnect between me and my own children. I’ve had to ask other people who had no thoughts of harm towards me to forgive me as I’ve shut them out, including my children and grandchildren. I’ve had to learn how to forgive myself.
I became immersed in my own little world. It was all about me. As my children, and even my grandchildren were growing up, I wanted to be involved in their lives, but it was hard to be around people, to open my heart up to them. I spent many hours focusing on what I wanted to do, anything that didn’t involve people. It was hard to love because I kept my feelings shut up tight. Except anger, hate, bitterness and jealousy of course. That is exactly what the devil wants.
God did not call us to be isolated. He did not call us to be loners. Many people end up that way out of fear of being hurt by other people. We have to understand that the devil uses people to hurt us, and he even uses us to hurt others. When the devil can isolate us, it makes it easier for him to fill our minds and thoughts with his lies. He holds us captive, chained up in darkness and discouragement and depression.
God wants us to love Him and others. Matthew 22:36-40 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
When we shut down emotionally and build walls up to keep others out, we will never experience true love. Love for God, for others and even ourselves. True love comes from God. He loved us so much that John 3:16-17 says: 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
That disconnect causes more harm than we can imagine. Building up walls doesn’t protect us. Walls aren’t our friend. They keep us from loving and they keep us from receiving love. We spend our life wanting to be loved. Walls are like borders. They stop anyone from getting in and they stop us from getting out, from being set free.
As painful as it can be, we must allow God to heal the wounds in us caused by the abuse or trauma. Most times that involves allowing him to bring to remembrance things we’d rather shove deep down inside us and forget. When we give the memories and the pain to God, He heals us. The tears we shed are healing tears this time.
Even when we are screaming and spewing out anger and hate towards others for what they have done to us, God will cause a release in us. It releases the pain, the memories. We are no longer holding onto them as if they are precious jewels to be diligently guarded.
This process also involves forgiving those who hurt us. It is not saying that what they did was okay. It isn’t! Forgiveness releases us from the prison of isolation, depression, darkness. It releases us from the power the enemy holds over us when we refuse to forgive. Holding onto unforgiveness gives the devil free reign in our lives. It sends us straight to hell. I know. I’ve seen it in my own family. Unforgiveness becomes bitterness which becomes hate. I have held onto it for years, letting hate become poison in my soul. It causes sickness in our bodies and minds. It destroys our lives!
What does the Bible say about bitterness? | GotQuestions.org says “Bitterness is resentful cynicism that results in an intense antagonism or hostility toward others.” Ephesians 4:31-32, 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Oxford Languages defines bitterness: resentment, dissatisfaction, disgruntlement, discontent, grudge, indignation, sourness, rancor, spite, sullenness, churlishness, petulance, peevishness, acrimony
Not forgiving others hurts us even more than what they did to us. God is our true-life source, He is the one who nourishes us, heals us, delivers us, sets us free, but unforgiveness keeps us from receiving any of that. It keeps us disconnected from things that we truly desire, with knowing and giving love being at the top of that list.
I pray, in the Name of Jesus that eyes will be opened to see the truth. Lord, let them see what unforgiveness does in us and to us. Let them desire to be set free, to destroy and dismantle everything the enemy has tried to put on them. Give them a new mind in Christ, a new heart. Help them to see that the ones who hurt them have been hurt themselves. Let them not want to continue the same pattern. Let them become warriors who choose to break off all demonic plans against them and their bloodlines. Help them to seek You, Lord, to see what purpose, plan and destiny that You have for them. Let Your Anointing be poured over every area of their lives as they choose to release unforgiveness and trade it in for Your peace, love and joy. Let it flood their lives and cause the darkness to flee. In Jesus’s Mighty Name! Amen! Let it be so Lord!