People who have endured a lot of abuse will have obtained all types of hindrances, flaws, character defects or whatever you want to call it. God told me that He healed the big, gaping, infected wound in me, but he said the brokenness will remain. He said the brokenness will be the ministry He has for me. Many times, during the abuse I was humiliated, made fun of and used as other people’s scapegoat for their hurt and brokenness, but being healed from the emotional and mental hurt, God now can deal with some of the defects in me caused by the abuse.
Many of these articles God has me to write are not fun to write. It is hard enough dealing with things as God pokes around in areas of your life that are already painful. We push them down and prefer not to deal with things, thinking to let sleeping dogs lie as the old saying goes. Or just flat out preferring to ignore the problems and pretend they don’t exist. As God pokes His finger into some very painful areas, He brings those defects to our attention in a way that we cannot run from it anymore.
We could continue to ignore the problem but when we don’t allow God to make us face it, and deal with it we can never be healed. There are certain things that would trip us up and could potentially take us out of God’s will. We could lose out on our eternity with Him. If He has a ministry for us, it can trip us up and someone we are trying to minister to.
Honesty is the best policy, but sometimes in being honest with ourselves and God, costs us. It causes a lot of pain; sometimes more than we think we can handle. The good news is that once we allow God to deal with it in us, we can be healed from it, and be set free from it. The devil will always try to bring it back if he can, but we have the option and the authority from Jesus to tell the devil no!
One of the issues God has brought to my attention is being sly or sneaky. In order to survive the abuse, I would feel like I had to not be honest about things I was doing. They weren’t bad or immoral things. It was just that being punished for everything, made me not want to be honest about doing things, not wanting them to know, so I wouldn’t be punished for enjoying a small piece of life. It really wasn’t so much about wanting to do things, it was more about trying to not be punished and humiliated for existing in this life.
Facing consequences for my actions was one area that was extremely hard for me. Again, because of being punished for everybody else’s actions, it made me do everything I could to not have to face the consequences for things I had done. It made me become dishonest and “sly” in the way I was. It made me want to sweep things under the rug and pretend they didn’t exist; to run from them.
The definition of “sly” is shrewd, cunning, deceitful, devious, sneaky. Going through abuse puts one in survival mode. We do things we normally would not feel the need to do. Things like “stealing” money from your husband’s wallet because he refuses to give you any, wanting to make sure he is doing everything he can to keep you from leaving him. He doesn’t want you to get an education many times because he is afraid you will get smarter than him and leave him. And even if you do manage to get an education, he will belittle you, wanting to make you feel it is nothing to be proud of, or no big deal. He doesn’t want you to feel as if it is an accomplishment.
It is hard to hear God telling us things like this, that we are sly, or deceitful or dishonest. Whatever it is, we have to let Him deal with it in us. We have to. Or we will spend the rest of our lives dealing with it. Being sly means being dishonest. There. I said it. While the abuse makes it hard to face issues and problems, by making up all kinds of excuses it stops us from dealing with the problem.
In fact, when we are sly or sneaky, whether to help us to survive the abuse and try to avoid being punished, it also opens the door for us to become dishonest in our relationship with Jesus. If we do not face this, it can keep us from being right with God. It is easy for us to deceive ourselves. The Bible tells us so. Jeremiah 17: 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Jeremiah 17:10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
This is telling us God searches our hearts. He shows man the truth and will not allow us to lie and deceive ourselves, if we will let him. This is not exactly fun times. We can allow God to show us truth and allow Him to deal with us, no matter how painful and hard it is, or we can remain broken forever. It is our choice.
Psalms 139: 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
It is better that He searches our hearts now while we have the chance to be made right, than it is to stand before Him and be judged and forever condemned for whatever is wrong with us. Seek Him while He may be found.
Sneaky is as Sneaky Does
