Skydiving without a Parachute

Several years ago, God gave me a vision of being in the door of an airplane over the middle of the ocean. I am terrified of both heights and water, especially water where you can’t see the bottom. And one that is filled with about every imaginable, and unimaginable creature, that see you as their possible dinner. Unfortunately, being in the door of the airplane wasn’t the end of the vision.

As I found myself, stepping out of that plane, God immediately cut the cord on my parachute. As I felt myself falling, desperately trying to grasp onto air, which is impossible, God told me He intended for me to trust Him alone. I was not to put my trust in anything or anyone else. I was to learn to depend upon Him. I was to seek Him for wisdom and understanding and answers to my questions, and for healing.

At the time He gave me this vision, I was still struggling to trust Him at all, let alone trust those I could physically see. I was still dealing with the affects of all the abuse I had gone through. I wasn’t quite sure how this was going to turn out. God had isolated me to bring me through a really hard process of healing from the past. I had no friends, nobody to turn to. The church I was going to had no clue as how to deal with someone coming out of abuse. And to be honest, I’m not sure I would have trusted anybody enough to want to talk to them.

Not long after giving me this vision, God gave me one of me in the middle of the ocean, confirming that not only was there no one around to help me, but seemingly leaving me with no help anytime in the near future. God wanted me to depend on Him alone for my healing. Instead, I was frantically splashing around, with no peace in my life, seeing only all those “creatures” that could cause all kinds of harm.

Those “creatures” represented people. I had to go to work. I had to go to the grocery store and so on. I was having to learn to live my everyday life. During the abuse I had learned that people hurt and that everyone was only out to cause me pain. Obviously, that is not true, but in the abuse, I was kept from having friends or people in my life that could have loved me. Abusers usually like to separate the ones being abused from the outside world, especially from family and friends that could help them.

In the healing process I had to acknowledge that the abuse really was abuse. And I had to face the pain of everything that had been done to me. During the abuse, I was not allowed to voice my opinion. If I told them they were hurting me, they didn’t care. My parents were only concerned about their own pleasures and self. They told me what to do and what to think. I wasn’t allowed to figure things out or make my own decisions or tell them they were hurting me.

It’s like being hit with a baseball bat, then being told it didn’t hurt, that the one being hit was just being a big baby or imagining the pain. Then they hit you again and again, and over time you learn to think maybe they are right, and also that it is your fault you are being treated this way.

It took me several years before I was healed enough from my past to be able to not be constantly looking over my shoulder in fear of being followed or looking behind every bush for danger. God told me that I had fought to survive life, but after the healing, He told me I have to learn to enjoy life. That was almost as big a challenge as going through the healing process. How do you do that?

I am having to learn to figure things out, how to make choices, which is really hard, since I had always been told what to do. Now I have to figure things out and deal with the consequences of my choices! I had to learn the abuse wasn’t my fault. I had to learn how to deal with all those emotions and feelings I had never been allowed to deal with before. Jesus has held my hand and walked me through it all.

Since it is sometimes easier for us to talk to another human being then it is to talk to God, I also had to learn to trust what I thought He was telling me and not to doubt or question it. That one is still a work in progress. When another human tells us something, we may even be able to record it, or see it in a text, or even know that we heard it, but God doesn’t do that. Although there have been times when He spoke through other people to have them tell me something.

I’ve made all kinds of mistakes. I’ve thought I heard from God when obviously I didn’t. I’ve had to learn to trust someone I can’t see. But through it all, I’m learning that when I do seek Him, He will answer. Whether through His Word, by that still small voice talking to me, through the voice of others, or even in the mistakes I make, when I choose to surrender to Jesus, I find peace, I find direction, I find fulfillment in my life and I am learning how to enjoy life.

The plans that He has for me happens as I learn to submit, surrender, yield and obey Him. That’s a miracle in itself. I’m learning I can trust Jesus even when His way doesn’t seem to make any sense. I’m learning to come from not having any confidence in myself to having an oversize case of confidence in God. He’s taught me I don’t have to look behind every bush, and that I don’t have to fret about every “creature” in this ocean of life. He has promised to take care of me. He has taught me to walk out of the fear over everything.

His Word has promised that to each one of us. For those who are afraid, God’s Word teaches us He will fight our battles. He will walk beside us and show us the way. I can’t explain how good it feels to not be walking in that fear and in the affects of the abuse. He has healed the wounds caused by others. I want you to know He will do it for you too. Ask Him to take you by the hand and lead the way He wants you to go. Know that even when you feel all alone, He is still there with you. Call out to Him. I pray you allow Him to lead you the way He wants you to go, even if He desires that you go skydiving without a parachute, know that He is still there.

True fulfillment in life, comes when we are fully surrendered to God. It doesn’t make our life perfect. Things still happen to us and in our lives. But it does make a whole lot of difference. When we learn to not trust in ourselves, but to give in to Him, we will see every desire He has for us to come to pass. God had told me if I will get down before Him, He will lift me up. Let Jesus show you the way. Romans 7:18 “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.”