The abuse in my life started at birth. My entire childhood was filled with abuse. The devil entered into my life and took control at a very early age. In fact, while still in my mother’s womb. With this article, I pray for eyes to be opened. I pray it will help people understand a lot about the spiritual world. I want to be open and honest about my “spiritual walk” and how the enemy will go to extreme lengths to steal, kill and destroy us. John 10:10 “The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more”
Some people may not understand about demons or even want to. It can be a scary subject but that doesn’t stop demonic activity from happening. In fact, when we refuse to acknowledge or deal with this subject, it gives Satan free reign in our life and it can destroy not only us, but our children and generations to come. So, I pray God’s covering over each one that reads this, that you may come to a place where the devil is defeated in your life.
Obviously, I cannot cover this entire subject matter in one article. I want to start out by sharing what happened to me in the hopes it will help many others to overcome demonic strongholds and to stop them from happening. I’ve told throughout this website how I was molested from birth. My story actually starts even before my conception. My father had a serious stronghold of sexual perversion. I do not know his generational bloodline. All I know is that my story began with the spirit of perversion through my dad. My mother also grew up in an abusive home with sexual abuse being part of it. Her stepmother worked in a brothel for many years. Her father was a big man and very abusive. The spirits of rejection and sexual perversion was therefore prevalent in my mother’s side.
Along with the spirit of rejection, the spirit of rebellion usually follows, as it makes us fight for the love we are deprived of. Since my father started molesting me as a baby, my mother began to hate me and be very jealous of me because she wanted the attention and “love” that my father gave me. She grew up in a household where she became used to sexual perversion and thought it normal. As I did. The devil likes to infect the children with the same spirits as the parents. That does not mean we automatically have to accept or live the same way as our parents. And there comes a time when we become of an accountable age where we will be held responsible for our choices.
There are other articles on this website addressing a victim mentality and being able to come to a point in our life where we realize we can change the circumstances of our life, or at least the way we react to them. Because of the abuse and perversion already in my family line, Satan was able to take control pretty early in my life and because he did not want me set free, before I left home, he had already introduced me to the man I would spend the next 35 plus years with, in an abusive marriage. The man I was married to also came from an abusive household and 2 people who have been abused, are not going to “fix” each other. It takes God. And I mean an honest relationship with Him, not a superficial one, and not even a go to church every week relationship.
One of the best things to come out of that marriage, besides our 2 children, was a relationship with Jesus. Or at least, the start of one. I had not been raised in a family who served God in any way, shape or form. I had never heard the Gospel and unfortunately, I had learned a lesson from the example of the earthly men in my life of what men were like, and that caused me to see God as the same. That meant He was not to be trusted.
The devil also constantly affirmed that God did not have the power or the desire to stop the abuse in my life. Jesus filled me with the Gospel, memorizing Scripture and knowing what the Bible said. However, that didn’t mean really believing it and especially believing what it said about God.
The saddest thing to me, is the fact that not one of the churches I went to really helped me. I heard the sermons and sometimes there was even prayer, but not one of them was able to take me to the Cross and make me understand the true meaning of it.
I heard that Christ died for us but, I struggled with not feeling like He loved me. How could He? I don’t know why all that abuse happened to me. God gave me a desire to learn about spiritual warfare and prayer, but I was so blinded and deceived by Satan that it took me 30 years to finally find the true meaning of the Cross. Jesus gave me many visions and tried for many years to make me to understand the truth. I was so broken that I stumbled around in darkness for years. I was trapped. No matter what Jesus tried to tell me or do in me, I never seemed to get a true breakthrough. It was my fault, not God’s. He is able to make it happen, but we have a part in this relationship too.
I would get excited over a vision he would show me, or a new Scripture I learned and even when I heard a sermon that spoke to me. Here and there, God would put somebody in my life that He used to try to help me. In the end, it was God who showed me how to separate the lies from the truth. If Jesus died on the Cross for me, the Bible says He therefore loves me. He died a horrible death, not just the physical abuse, but taking on the sins of the world and being forsaken by God. God turned His back on His only son. He is a holy and pure God and cannot look upon sin. Even though He loves us, He does not approve of our sin! No matter the excuses we use.
The healing process was a very slow one. God goes at a pace that we can handle. I am a slow learner and to honest, facing and acknowledging the pain of our past is not easy. God healed the big, gaping wound in me, where I had stuffed all the hurt and abuse. After making me face the abuse, He healed me and then started the process of making me able to see the truth. I had to acknowledge the victim mentality that I had carried for years. Yes, the abuse was the fault of what others had done, but each of us are individual human beings and we are each responsible for the words out of our mouths, the hurt we do unto others and the way we choose to react to what is done to us.
Our 1st reaction is usually to retaliate. As children we are not allowed to do to others, especially adults, what they have done to us. Even if the abuse is in our adult years, the Bible tells us not to retaliate. Psalm 37:1 “Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.” Romans 12:17 “Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.” 1 Peter 3:8-9 “8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: 9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing”.
I learned the hard way, that by trying to retaliate, I ended up being the one hurt even more. If they are already abusing you, and you do something to them, they are going to repay.
God showed me how to think about my thoughts. I didn’t really connect how that was going to set me free either, but as He had me stop allowing thoughts about hate and revenge and bitterness to devour me, it started making sense. God does know what he is talking about. He taught me there is no other way. Jesus is the only way to heaven. So, when I would get angry at God it left me with a dilemma of what to do with my prayers, especially for my family or when others would ask for prayer. I certainly didn’t want to pray to the devil! As I progressed through this journey, I then had to fill the old thoughts with new ones, thoughts of God and who the Bible says He is.
Jesus also taught me throughout this process that He has all wisdom and knowledge. He knows what we have gone through. He knows how to set us free, and He knows how to take what Satan was using to destroy you, to teaching you how to use it to destroy what Satan has done in our lives. We can’t make our past disappear. We can be healed and made whole by the Blood of Jesus and the word of our testimony, how we choose to respond.
There came a point where God used somebody to take me to the Cross. In all my years in church, I had never heard it like this. This friend had me close my eyes and see the hill leading up to the Cross. At 1st I couldn’t see the hand of Jesus being held out to me, to lead me up that hill until I truly repented for my sins. Not what others had done to me, but the sins I was guilty of. Once I was able to take that hand leading me up that hill, I was finally able to be set free.
Jesus freed me from that victim mentality, the fog started clearing and giving way to the Cross of Calvary. Jesus started taking the scales of my eyes, revealing the blindness and deceit the enemy had kept me in.
Looking back, at 1st I was so angry at myself for being so “stupid” and unable to see the truth. But now I am seeing the ministry God has for me. I can be a witness of His goodness. He has given me this website and Facebook page to teach the many others who have been blinded by the lies of the devil. Understand how much the devil wants to keep us from seeing the blessings of God and being able to walk in victory. I wish I could turn back the pages of time and would have understood all this many years ago. But I can’t.
I pray God uses this to show you that you don’t have to keep walking in darkness. You don’t have to waste all those years stumbling around, hoping for a change in your life, wanting healing from past wounds. Let God take the blinders off your eyes and show you the way. Understand that usually this is a process, a journey that requires one step at a time. But it won’t have to take you years to get there, if you will just understand that if Jesus died for you, He loves you, and if God had the power to raise Jesus from the dead, He has the power to heal You and change the circumstances in your life.
Just remember, it is God’s ways. His plans for your life, so He may not work the way you want Him to. That’s okay. Don’t let the devil use that to make you think that God can’t or won’t move heaven and earth to get to you. Ask Jesus to take you by the hand and lead you to victory, which is what the Cross represents. It proves His love for us and His power, that is far above that of the enemy. Ephesians 1:19-21” 19 And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, 20 Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places, 21 Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:”
Blinded and Deceived
