It is moments like this, that I’d prefer not to be real, and not have to tell the truth about my relationship with God and Jesus. As I write these articles, they usually come about as I am journaling personally to Jesus. The events lately in my life have made me come face to face with another truth in my life. It is the rocky foundation on which I’ve built my relationship with Jesus.
It took me many years to even receive Him as my Savior. All the abuse in my childhood, caused me to doubt God was even real or that He loved me. Then when I got married, even though my husband at the time faithfully went to church, nothing changed in his life. I never heard him pray and never saw him read a Bible. He was one of those Sunday kinds of Christians, who put a smile on his face during church, but not necessarily on the way to or from church.
As much as I would like to focus and judge somebody else’s faulty relationship with Jesus, that won’t help me get right with Him. I was probably around 35 when I finally let Jesus into my life. Looking back, I realize I did finally say yes to Him, but it was because I wanted the abuse in my life to stop. Not sure if you understand the full meaning of that statement, but I wanted the abuse to stop. I cannot say I wanted to change. I only wanted the one who was dishing out the abuse to change.
I was naïve and did not know the Bible and did not understand much about God. Over the years I’ve learned a very hard lesson. He isn’t as worried about changing everybody else in our lives as He is us. I was immature and I had years of hurt and hate to deal with. The Holy Spirit tried to teach me, but I wasn’t getting it. I was so focused on making the abuse stop that it wasn’t about building a relationship with Jesus.
Recently God has been dealing with me about that. He brought me through the healing process and made me face the truth and deal with my past. He told me that I could now have a good life, knowing I’d been touched by Him. But if I stop at this place in my life, I will never know the view from the top of the mountain. I can work on my own salvation, living the way Jesus wants me to, and have the opportunity of spending eternity in heaven and not hell, but I wouldn’t be able to see the full ministry He has for me.
Our walk with God is an ever-evolving relationship, just like our human ones should be. If we are building a relationship with someone, it should grow stronger as time goes on. If our walk with God is still a shallow, surface, Sunday only relationship, then it isn’t a real relationship. If you are married and you only talk to your spouse one or two days a week then you don’t have a marriage, you have more like a roommate.
There are many differences between a human relationship and one with God, one of them being that even when we aren’t faithful to God, He is still faithful to who He is. All the years that I have spent healing, the relationship I have had with God, has not been built on a firm foundation. He gave me the analogy of a rider on a horse. If the rider doesn’t know how to ride a horse and is constantly slipping and sliding off, desperately trying to hold on, then they are not riding a horse. They are holding on, but at some point, they should be growing in knowledge and confidence in horse riding.
Our relationship with God is based on the same principle and analogy. If our foundation isn’t built on a relationship, but only on what He can do for us, then we are like the rider who is constantly struggling to stay on the horse but isn’t interested in finding out how to properly ride the horse. Someone who builds their relationship with Jesus on what you want Him to do for you, will never be able to grow and mature and become stronger in Jesus.
He has so much for each one of us. He died a horrible death and when all we are concerned about is what He can do for us, then the Cross means nothing to us. That was me for most of my relationship with Jesus. When He gave me the analogy of the rider who struggled to stay on the horse, He showed me that while I have held on with all my might, I had never learned who He is and what He has done for me, for all of us. I knew He had died on the Cross, but I had never come to know Him personally, just about Him.
There is a huge difference. He is making me to lay down everything in my life, all my prayer requests and my wants and desires and anything that would hinder me from coming to know Him. The Cross should be the focal point and should bring us to our knees in repentance. It means nothing if the only time we go to church is at Easter and Christmas.
Believe me, I am not one to judge. I have no right to do that especially when my own house isn’t right with God. After all these years I should have a firm foundation, not one that has cracks in it. At least, I have learned that Jesus doesn’t quit on us as long as we will cry out to Him. I realize people have gone through some major traumas and hurt in their lives but seek the Cross.
Jesus will heal you if you let Him but look towards the Cross and focus on what He did for us and why He did it. Let the reality of it permeate Your very being. Ask Him to fill you with knowledge of Him. Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”
Seek Him first. Seek after Him with your whole heart. Jeremiah 29:13 “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” When we seek Him with our whole heart, with everything in us, “all these things shall be added unto you”. Not worldly things, but a shelter in our storms, peace beyond our understanding, victory in overcoming trials and tribulations, a strong, firm hand holding us in place that keeps us from being tossed all over the place. As I write this, I can feel His peace and the hope He gives me, knowing that I am His child and as I lean into Him, all the cracks in my foundation are being repaired and restored. Let Jesus be the center of your world.
A Rocky Foundation
